Lifestyle

Tips on how not to fall in love with your FWB

Aunty Abena, I am 32 years old and pursuing my master’s degree at a premier university. I have a white male friend with whom I have decided to enter into a friends with benefits (FWB) arrangement. We are both not ready for a committed relationship but have physical needs. We have extensively discussed this arrangement since January this year, and we have finally agreed to give it a try.

However, we are both concerned about what would happen if either of us develops romantic feelings for the other. We need advice from those who have been in similar situations to help guide us. We have already done our health checks and we’re both safe health wise. Thank you.

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TIPS FROM AUNTY ABENA

Before entering into an FWB situation with your friend I want you to consider the following to see if this is something you need to do or not:

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1. Communication and mutual understanding: Have open and honest discussions with your FWB partner about your expectations, boundaries, and intentions. As students, you may have academic commitments and other responsibilities to consider. Ensure that both of you have a clear understanding of how the arrangement will fit into your student lives and agree on how to communicate effectively while managing your studies.

2. Emotional readiness: Evaluate your emotional readiness for an FWB arrangement as a student. Consider the potential impact on your studies and overall well-being. Assess whether you have the capacity to separate emotions and maintain a primarily physical connection without it affecting your academic performance or mental health. Remember that though you’re not supposed to have feelings for each other, you will, and this can have an impact on your studies in the near or distant future.

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3. Consent and respect: Prioritize consent and respect in your FWB arrangement. As students, it’s crucial to create a safe and respectful environment for both parties involved. Establish clear boundaries and ensure that consent is given freely and enthusiastically. Respect each other’s boundaries, desires, and decisions throughout the arrangement.

4. Protection and sexual health: it’s good that both of you have prioritized your sexual health and safety. Discuss and agree upon safe sex practices, including the use of protection and regular STI testing. Take responsibility for your own sexual health and encourage your FWB partner to do the same. Consider the availability of sexual health resources on campus or in your community.

5. Academic and personal goals: Reflect on how an FWB arrangement may align with your academic and personal goals as students. Consider whether it may distract you from your studies or interfere with your other aspirations. Be aware of the potential impact on your emotional well-being and overall life balance. Regularly reassess the arrangement to ensure it still aligns with your goals.

6. Time management: Recognize the importance of effective time management as students in an FWB arrangement. Balancing your academic responsibilities, social life, and personal well-being is key. Find a balance that allows you to prioritize your studies while still maintaining the FWB arrangement, and be prepared to make adjustments if needed.

Remember, being a student adds unique considerations to an FWB situation. It’s essential to approach it with clear communication, respect, and a focus on your overall well-being and academic success. Continually assess the arrangement to ensure it remains in line with your goals as a student. If it’s something that will impact on your studies, you might have to reconsider it.

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