HELP!: My ‘friends with benefits’ partner wants me to leave my fiancé

I’ve been in a friends-with-benefits relationship with a colleague at work for over three years now.

We both had partners when it started, he had a girlfriend, and I had a boyfriend. I used to have a crush on him, and when he suggested we become intimate without commitments, I agreed.

Truthfully, I’ve always had deeper feelings for him than for my boyfriend. But my boyfriend has always been serious, about life, about me, and about our future.

That stability is what kept me in the relationship, and over time we’ve made real progress toward building a life together.

This year, my boyfriend proposed to me, and we’ve started planning our wedding. We’re buying items and preparing for our future together.

When I told my friends-with-benefits partner about the engagement, he reacted unexpectedly. At first, he started sleeping with me more aggressively, saying he was “getting the last of me”, and sometimes I’d even leave those encounters with minor injuries or pain.

Then, last month, he confessed that he had fallen in love with me and wanted me to cancel the wedding.

He promised that if I leave my fiancé, he will also break up with his girlfriend so we could be together.

This came as a shock to me. For three years, our connection was purely physical. His sudden emotional attachment felt strange and confusing. I told him I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t just walk away from someone who has treated me with love and respect for years.

Then he suggested we continue our relationship even after I’m married. I hesitated but eventually agreed. He also said he wanted me to have a child for him.

Now, I find myself in a state of emotional confusion. Lately, I’ve started to think maybe I should end my engagement and be with him instead.

After all, I do love him more, and maybe it’s better to break off an engagement than to end up in a broken marriage.

Still, I’m confused. I don’t want to make this decision alone because I’m not sure I’m thinking clearly or wisely.

Should I leave my fiancé for my friends-with-benefits partner? Or should I stick with the man who has shown me consistent love and commitment?

What should I do?

-Ghanaweb