I am looking for a man who is HIV positive so we can build a family together – Lady on a search

I am turning thirty-three this year yet my love life is as dry as a cactus. I am a successful career woman, so it isn’t that I need a man to take care of me. All I want is someone who will love me unconditionally and start a family with me. In case you are wondering, I am not hideous. I am very beautiful and chubby. However, when a man gets close to me and I tell them the whole truth about myself, they run away.

Here is the thing. I don’t remember my mother. She passed away when I was barely two years old. They said it was an illness that killed her. The name and origin of that illness to this day, remains a mystery. There were two of us but my older sister also died. So I am the only surviving member of my mother’s lineage.

For the past twenty years, I have lived with HIV. I have been on antiretroviral medication for fifteen years now. At this point, my count is very low. I can’t even even transmit the virus if I tried. However, the moment a man shows interest in me and I tell them my status, they just disappear.

I know that in this day and age, my status shouldn’t stop me from finding love but it’s happening. I am not a virgin. I have dated a few people. When I realized men didn’t want to be with me because of my status, I started keeping it from them. I insisted anyone I had intimacy with use a condom so I don’t put them at risk (although there is no risk of them getting infected by me). I didn’t want to lie but I got tired of watching them leave.

At first, I told myself I would find someone and have a child or two, and then raise them as a single mother. It’s not what I always wanted but I figured if no one wants to be with me, then I should have kids before I get to the age where I can’t anymore.

It seemed like a good idea at first, but now that I have had time to think about it, I don’t want that kind of life. I want love and companionship. When I have kids, I want a supportive partner who will walk the parenthood journey with me. I want to raise my kids in a loving home with both parents present. That’s why I don’t want to settle. I am determined to keep trying until I get the partner I want.

Now, considering that all the men who came into my life turned their backs on me immediately I tell them, “I am HIV positive,” I have decided that it’s best I find myself someone who shares my status. That way we both know what we have and how best we can make things work between us.

I know there are men who don’t share my status who wouldn’t mind being with me but I don’t want anyone behaving as if they are with me because they pity me. I would hate it if that happened. Also, I don’t want to be with someone who just discovered they are HIV positive. Men like that don’t know what they want yet. They are now learning how to live with the condition so they would accept anyone. After three or four years, when they’ve come to terms with what they have, they leave to find the kind of woman they really want.

As I said earlier, I am not looking for pity. I am living a healthy and happy life. I can date any man I find interesting. However, I am looking for something serious this time around so I don’t want to start a relationship based on a lie. I want to tell whoever is serious about me that this is who I am without any fear of being left.

I know there are many men in this world, even in this country who are in my shoes. This is why I have brought my story here. I am hoping they will read it and reach out so I can find someone to build a beautiful life with. I want a man who is responsible, caring, hardworking, generous, mentally sound, and has a positive mindset.

What do I have to offer? Apart from the fact that I am resilient and beautiful, I work as an HIV counselor and a paralegal. All I need in return for everything I am offering is love and acceptance. Am I asking for too much?

—Martha